Done being ‘one of the good ones’.
Done being an encyclopaedia for all.
Done being a headline in the papers.
Done being the ones to take the fall.

I fall enough without all that rhetoric
strength tenuous, standing but shattered – 
the system should be there to catch me
and, right now, that ‘net’ is in tatters.

The systems that claim to support us
only puts more barriers in place
DWP forms, 20 pages long
and wait lists measure years, not days.

Open your ears and listen
trust us and believe
we’re not here to leach tax payer’s money
to live, we need more than the scraps we receive.

Will I be able to do in five years time
what I’m able to do right now?
will I keep getting worse with, still, no help?
will I have to go on without?

Invisible without a walking stick
so nobody offers me a seat
I don’t ‘look disabled’ so I have to stand
on my already unsteady feet.

But why should I have to do that?
Persevere and ring myself dry?
Blood sweat and tears to get anywhere
‘cause there’s not a damned bench in sight.

So I sit on the ground and you stare, then, too
wondering why I’ve made that choice – 
but I spend more time looking around
than those who have a louder voice.

We’re locked out of those conversations
or spoken for, or about.
Your world simply isn’t built for us
and I’m getting too tired to shout.

Too tired of ripping up barriers.
Too tired of having to stand up and say
what is not accessible or thought-through enough –
this can’t continue to be the way

That the world works, or doesn’t –
it sure doesn’t work for me – 
when people assume what I can or can’t do
whether or not I disagree.

I’m not ashamed to be disabled,
though that label can be hard to hear.
I’m proud of what I’ve gone through,
it’s taken courage to just get here.

Honestly, some of you need to touch grass.
Mind your business when I’m using a mobility aid.
Don’t expect me to remedy your ignorance,
my capacity to educate fluctuates.

So, please, I beg you, keep your neb out.
I will tell you what I need – 
but there are things we need you to care about,
things we need you to see.

Like the systemic issues all around.
The systemic issues keeping us down.
The systemic issues that need to change.
The systemic issues that, still, remain.

And it’s all about conversations
and representations that don’t exist,
or a debate about our existence
without any of us involved in it.

It’s about the systems – 
One, alone, we cannot face –
but we hope for better, we have no choice
to hope it’ll be better one day.

Instead of asking me ‘how I do it’,
as if I have a choice,
support disabled people 
and help to raise our voice

I can’t believe I have to keep saying this,
but, disabled people are people –
people with lives and desires
who need equity, not to be ‘equal’.

Not defined
As the person who can tick a box Or fill a quota
or a diversity candidate
to look good on your brochure

Not defined by
the potential I wasn’t able to reach,
the art I wasn’t able to create
and make

Not defined by anyone

Not definable by anyone

Not defined by the corporations who talk and
don’t do anything
who get their EDI certificate
when conveniently forget to advocate

For my access needs
not a want but a need
or to fix the system that uses
our weaknesses to impede 
us

Some people take longer
Some people never can
I face barriers
just to be who I am

And I say what I mean
and I hold my morals strong
but if I don’t have the rights
I will always be wrong

Time, grace and patience
goes a long way
kindness and openness to
Listen to what I say

Thats all that I ask
All that needs to happen
hold our voices to the light
and don’t be the one to dampen

I cannot be cured 
by a wellness trend
unsolicited advice
arrogance hard to comprehend

Sometimes it’s just about
opening your ears
listening and learning
So that we don’t disappear

Into ‘was’ or ‘could have been’
into another voice drowned out
seen as less or half a person
who’s wading on without

Disability din’t end
when lockdown measures did
flexibility out the window
ableism distilled

It hurts every person
when we worship being tired
productivity, the only thing 
that makes us worthy and admired

Being disabled means that 
I have to slow down
and it’s a new way to live
that capitalism can’t denounce

I want to be remembered 
with the right pronouns and name
I want to be remembered 
for who I became

When I began to accept
who I was in this world
and my mind opened up
and the ingrained messages unfurled

I want to be remembered as
messy and imperfect
and dysfunctional and whole
and living truth in earnest

As a 3-D human
not defined by words
made up to explain identities
that have existed for hundreds
of years

And create and make
and feel joy and peace
and exist as whole people
with our stories complete

I want to be remembered
as who I am

 as all of who I am

We feel restless, so we take a bus.
get the 1 to the beach and breathe clean air.
Take the pennies out of your coin bank-
Your investment in rainy seaside days,
fluorescent lights
and clinking copper comforts.

I go straight for the 2p games- you, the claw machines
You were always luckier than me.
The glass display case reflects back your toothy grin
As the teddy drops into the bin

Sticky carpets and crunchy speakers,
The ache in your knee from bending to see the screens-
Forgotten details of your favourite memories.
We cash out our tickets- dip dab, some maoams
Splurge on a slinky to share.

You want to stretch your legs,
So we head to the seafront
You hop onto the wall, and I follow along below.
I tell you we need to talk
And you look away, counting the cawing of seagulls.

I tell you where the pain lives in my body
and how every slow draw of breath radiates, dull, into my spine.
You tell me that you love me
Which means you are worried about me.
I’ve known you for too long now,
You can’t hide what that face means.

We search for somewhere to get a bucket and spade-
end up walking for over an hour.
Pass the spot where I had my first kiss
With someone who wasn’t you.
You never quite knew how to handle the shape of my longing.
Head back to the beach in silence.

It’s bittersweet,
Knowing this is coming to an end.
I close my eyes, listen to the crash of the waves,
Slowly dissipating back into the shore.
When I open my eyes again,
You’re gone. Just a trail of footprints in the sand.

(a guide to caring for a very complicated plant)

Step One: Understanding
A Jasmine is a very complicated plant.
It needs nurture and reassurance,
Mental stimulation and support—
A safe home with plenty of space to grow.
In its old life, it shrunk and withered,
Leaves curling inward from cold seasons—
But with the right companion,
It will flower once again.
The first step is to learn about your new Jasmine.
Our gardener recommends questions about Tourette’s:
Let the Jasmine teach you its needs—
It helps it feel accepted,
And safe.

Step Two: Small Acts of Love
Take your Jasmine to TkMaxx.
A candle and some matching pyjamas
Show affection, softness—
A kind of sunlight.
Tell your Jasmine: you are cared for.
That it deserves warmth,
Even on cloudy days.

Step Three: Pruning
Your Jasmine may come with dead leaves,
And withered flowers.
That’s normal.

Teach it that it can regrow—
That severing the link between
Rotten and thriving
Is not betrayal.
It’s growth.
Like trimming back in winter
To flourish in spring.
Show it how
To let go of what no longer nourishes.

Step Four: Maintenance
Jasmines often forget
They deserve care.
They’ll try to grow in dry soil,
Never asking for water.
You can teach it closeness.
Remind it:
You’re special.
Wash its hair,
And when it’s ready, shave its face.
Tell it:
That insecurity? Not disgusting.
That body? Never shameful.
To you,
It is perfect.
After pruning, your Jasmine will be vulnerable.
Offer it a snuggle.
Let its roots burrow into your embrace—
The compost of comfort.
This is where it feels the safest.
When it starts to droop or doubt,
Give an affirming “YEAH!”
Say it again.

Chant it together
Until it believes you.

Step Five: Feeding
The main diet of a Jasmine
Consists of kanapki.
A Polish secret with two parts—
One sweet,
One salty.
Try new foods the Jasmine feels nervous about.
It trusts you to make
Tasty combinations
That fuel its recovery—
Like nutrient-rich soil
Once a week,
Homemade carbonara is nourishing.
And as a seasonal treat:
Sausage on a stick,
From the Newcastle Christmas Market.
Because even perennials
Deserve celebration.

Step Six: Environment
Your Jasmine’s surroundings are everything.
It wants to travel to you—
To stretch towards you
Like leaves reaching for light.
To stare out the plane window
And picture your smile.
That first journey?
It becomes a thrilling, pollinated memory.

When choosing where to place your pot,
Create a stable ecosystem:
Plenty of birds,
The odd weevil.
Maybe even a bee or two
To spark new ideas.
A Jasmine is fascinated by birds.
It will share this joy with you.
It will teach you to cherish small creatures—
To see a world others overlook.
Go on adventures.
Let your Jasmine photosynthesise
With its hand in yours.
Soak in sun and stories.
Even when your time together
Must end—
Jasmine will dream
Of your gentle kisses,
And care.

Final Note: Blooming
With each small step,
You’ll notice new bloom.
Each leaf and petal
Beginning to fill up the room.
With every drop of kindness,
Every whisper of light—
You’ve made Jasmine blossom
In a beautiful flair.
A garden of joy,
Grown together.

(a guide to caring for a very complicated plant)

Step One: Understanding
A Jasmine is a very complicated plant.
It needs nurture and reassurance,
Mental stimulation and support—
A safe home with plenty of space to grow.
In its old life, it shrunk and withered,
Leaves curling inward from cold seasons—
But with the right companion,
It will flower once again.
The first step is to learn about your new Jasmine.
Our gardener recommends questions about Tourette’s:
Let the Jasmine teach you its needs—
It helps it feel accepted,
And safe.

Step Two: Small Acts of Love
Take your Jasmine to TkMaxx.
A candle and some matching pyjamas
Show affection, softness—
A kind of sunlight.
Tell your Jasmine: you are cared for.
That it deserves warmth,
Even on cloudy days.

Step Three: Pruning
Your Jasmine may come with dead leaves,
And withered flowers.
That’s normal.

Teach it that it can regrow—
That severing the link between
Rotten and thriving
Is not betrayal.
It’s growth.
Like trimming back in winter
To flourish in spring.
Show it how
To let go of what no longer nourishes.

Step Four: Maintenance
Jasmines often forget
They deserve care.
They’ll try to grow in dry soil,
Never asking for water.
You can teach it closeness.
Remind it:
You’re special.
Wash its hair,
And when it’s ready, shave its face.
Tell it:
That insecurity? Not disgusting.
That body? Never shameful.
To you,
It is perfect.
After pruning, your Jasmine will be vulnerable.
Offer it a snuggle.
Let its roots burrow into your embrace—
The compost of comfort.
This is where it feels the safest.
When it starts to droop or doubt,
Give an affirming “YEAH!”
Say it again.

Chant it together
Until it believes you.

Step Five: Feeding
The main diet of a Jasmine
Consists of kanapki.
A Polish secret with two parts—
One sweet,
One salty.
Try new foods the Jasmine feels nervous about.
It trusts you to make
Tasty combinations
That fuel its recovery—
Like nutrient-rich soil
Once a week,
Homemade carbonara is nourishing.
And as a seasonal treat:
Sausage on a stick,
From the Newcastle Christmas Market.
Because even perennials
Deserve celebration.

Step Six: Environment
Your Jasmine’s surroundings are everything.
It wants to travel to you—
To stretch towards you
Like leaves reaching for light.
To stare out the plane window
And picture your smile.
That first journey?
It becomes a thrilling, pollinated memory.

When choosing where to place your pot,
Create a stable ecosystem:
Plenty of birds,
The odd weevil.
Maybe even a bee or two
To spark new ideas.
A Jasmine is fascinated by birds.
It will share this joy with you.
It will teach you to cherish small creatures—
To see a world others overlook.
Go on adventures.
Let your Jasmine photosynthesise
With its hand in yours.
Soak in sun and stories.
Even when your time together
Must end—
Jasmine will dream
Of your gentle kisses,
And care.

Final Note: Blooming
With each small step,
You’ll notice new bloom.
Each leaf and petal
Beginning to fill up the room.
With every drop of kindness,
Every whisper of light—
You’ve made Jasmine blossom
In a beautiful flair.
A garden of joy,
Grown together.